Be Yourself...Just like Everyone Else

It's the end of my first month of blogging!! What a fantastic ride it has been. At the end of every month, I'll be doing a feature highlighting what I've learned over the past month of introspectiveness and planning. This month it's all about what I've found to be true about being yourself amongst a sea of people trying to do just that.


Ever heard that? Be yourself, just like everyone else? We are all encouraged to be individuals, to seek out our own truth, to make an idea our own, but what is truly original? The other day I was watching a video made by a friend of a friend when I noticed a few similarities to a fellow blogger. I watched another and noticed even more things, the subject of her video, even the way she waved was taken directly from this other, more established person. The subject of the video was how to be you most authentic self. Ironic, considering she was applying what someone else was doing to her own life. That wasn't original, I though, that's just mashing the best bits of others into what you think you want to be. But a lot of people do that, don't they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? It may be in all respects sincere, but that's not fair to who YOU are.

Ever stop to think how many masks we wear in a day? At work, home, with friends, even in trying to convince ourselves of something? We've taken what we see and think is comfortable to others and slap that on for the day. Some of us know how to take those masks off, to remove them for a time when we feel we can, when we are finally at peace with those around us. But what about those who's masks have melded to them, the mask has essentially become a part of them, of their personality, however insincere it is, however much it may not really fit.

Looking up the word 'original' in the dictionary gives me this response "Present or existing from the beginning, first or earliest. Created directly and personally by a particular artist; not a copy or imitation." Not a copy or imitation. So does that mean that everyone who's ever imitated a person they admire is a fraud? Does that mean that after reading Jerramy Fine's book about moving across the Atlantic and wanting to do so myself makes ME a fraud, a unoriginal person?

There's a difference between being 'inspired"  by another's work and taking what is theirs and making that your own. Most people know that. But what about the subtleties of life? Lifestyles, general ideas, those melded masks? Is it all a grey area of life? We have to remember that the more we experience in life, the more new ideas and inspirations we will come across. We will be tempted to take some of those and make them a part of who we are. But we first must look inwards and figure out who exactly it is that we want to BE. This often takes a lifetime of questions and answers, like moving pieces of a puzzle around, trying to make things fit. Looking at yourself in the mirror and saying,  "I want to be Jackie O" won't make you Jackie O. Wearing what she wore, talking as she did, these will bring you new insights, but do they fit into the puzzle of your life?Of who you want to be? Or is it another mask to hide behind because you just don't have any clue as to WHO you are?

So how do you find yourself in a sea of half-hearted originality? Be quiet. No really, take 15 minutes when you can, shut out all distraction and sit with yourself. See what pops into your mind or ask yourself questions. You may be surprised at what you find. Take stock of what you love. I mean really love.What you love will hold the key to what you are passionate about. There will be situations where you will feel the need to put on a mask, even I do on some occasions. You might feel the need to start waving like your favorite blogger does, dressing in the same designer duds as your friend, adopting the mindset of a certain group of people you admire. Stop yourself and ask if these things fit with who you are or who you want to become. Then, instead of just adopting them as your own, mold them to YOU. In taking inspiration, we mold those ideas to best fit our true core selves, instead of letting those ideas change the core of who we are because we don't really know what that core is all about.


So go travel the world, dress, read, or quote your most admired influences, bu where they went right, you go left. Follow the path but make the journey your own.

tea drops,

samantha

A Dreamer's Inspiration

There are so many factors that influence us; different situations, people, and events. These things shape who and what we will become, what path we will take in life and if we chose to take a detour into something else. Whether I am shaping my dreams, doubting them or changing them, there are key individuals I always keep in mind. I’d like to share with you my biggest inspirations so far.  

Jerramy Fine

I first heard of Ms. Fine a few years ago when her book, “The Regal Rules for Girls” came out.  Finally someone who had dreamt of moving across the Atlantic as much as I did! She was unashamedly honest as she described her love for all things British, including the dashing Peter Phillips, and her quest to achieve her heart’s desire was nothing short of inspiring. She has her critics, those who claim she is setting feminism back, that her dreams are just childish, and those that just plain disagree with everything she stands for. Through all the naysayers, the hardships, and the triumphs, she’s persevered and shared her story with other like-minded girls who just want to jump the pond in search of home. I believe Ms. Fine to be of a new breed of woman, the ones that have open minds while adhering to the traditions of old, maintaining a clear path and plan but still throwing caution to the wind when called for to achieve their dreams. A 21^st century mind coupled with the tried and true ideas of old. She is and always will be the compass pointing me towards my dreams.

Her site-www.jerramyfine.com/ 

Amy

I have mentioned Amy before in a previous blog post, but she’s inspiring enough to warrant another mention! I first met Amy back in 2005, when I was still at university, and my dreams were just beginning to form. She was this juggernaut of positive energy and from day one has always told me to go for it. As I’ve said earlier, she has recently packed up her family and moved to the sunny coast of Costa Rica. Sun, sand and fresh food galore! The move hasn’t always gone as smooth as she would like (read her post about her boarder run!) she has had her fair share of ups and downs and she’s persevered through them all, always with a positive outlook and always, ALWAYS, listening to my constant ramblings of can I? Should I? I can...I can’t. What if?? I can firmly say that I would not be on this path today if it weren’t for her. 

Her blog-http://amkusamhan.blogspot.com/

My Friends!

Of course I couldn’t end this without thanking everyone who’s given me advice over the last year. I am blessed to have a wonderful group of friends that have helped me decide, hash out details, tell me when I’m being ridiculous or encouraging every dream I have. We’ve stared for two days straight at a door (royal baby), had a bit too much to drink whilst watching the Academy Awards, pretended to be, as she puts it “white girl ghetto fabulous”,  and some of us even received birthday cards with a certain Benedict on them. I could not have asked for a better, more inspirational group of friends. So many of them are chasing down their own dreams this year, interning with local government, running their websites, a few are even crossing the pond with me, ending up in London and Paris! It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Who are your inspirations? How have they shaped your dreams?

tea drops,

samantha

Me, Myself and I

I’ve had a lot of people in the past few weeks tell me there are envious of me and my position of being able to take off and fulfill my dreams. I can’t deny I’m both terrified and ecstatic at the same time. I’ve done a lot to get here and have so much more to do. All the support and positive feedback is so appreciated. Another question I get asked is “what does your family think?” The responses I have received from my family thus far are nothing that I expected. Something is triggered in other people when you jump off the ledge of life and aim for the stars,  people seem to come out of the woodwork like verbal fighter jets to shoot you out of the sky. The reactions from my immediate family are as follows, “Hmm, that’s nice.” “That’s a big move ARE YOU SURE” (I’ve only been dreaming of England for 5 years, are you really asking me this?) “Can you afford that?” “OK, but you’ve never really succeeded on your own.” 

That last one, when said, went through me like a knife. What counts as success? I had a university degree, served the community for a year, and had worked a handful of jobs since. Some paid enough, others didn’t.  I graduated at a time where everyone’s “safety net” of a job was in limbo. The fact that I never had to move home once during that time was something I was proud of. I may not be making what would seem “ideal” money but I was getting by, a talent that our generation seems to be getting a little too good at.

The negativity at times was stifling. Wait, can I do this? Should I? Maybe I just need to live somewhere else that isn’t in another country? Maybe I need to play it safe…that was when I knew I needed to stop using other people’s definitions of what is successful and start defining it myself. I looked at my mentors and heroes. They are all people who’ve gone against the grain, each succeeding in their own ways and each defining it on their own terms. One of my dearest friends, who runs the blog Minnesota to Costa Rica, decided to move her entire family from Midwestern America to Costa Rica. They sold just about everything they had and jumped. The transition hasn’t always been smooth, they have their hardships, but when I talk to her, her words radiate love and passion. The words of someone who is living their heart’s desire. 

I don’t want to sit here and fill the page with lazy clichés you’ve seen and heard a million times. The short answer to your question is yes. Whatever it is, just do it. Jump. Stop immediately with the excuses, the worries, and most importantly, stop listening to the waves of negativity that will inevitably flow your way. You know where you want to be and what you want to do. Trust that you will have the resources to accomplish it. If you keep making excuses, those excuses will keep appearing. 

Stop for a minute and think about the last person you met who had unfulfilled dreams. Or, even better, go randomly ask someone if they’ve fulfilled their dreams. How do they react? Those who have fulfilled a dream don’t mention how much it was, how lost they may have been at times, they remember the feeling of really living, something that very few people actually accomplish these days. How about those who have unfulfilled dreams? A look tends to cross their face, a sort of wistful longing or perhaps full regret. The should’ve, could’ve’s of the world are far too many. Don’t become the person who, 30 years from now, looks out upon their lives and sees not their accomplishments, but a sea of lost dreams. Step outside your limitations and GO.

tea drops,

samantha

Trading One Country for another…

When I received my offer letter from my UK University, I was overwhelmed with happiness. Finally, the door to everything I have ever wanted was open. However, the path was now covered with a mind field of paperwork and logistics. Visa applications? You need to have your biometric data recorded. My bio what? We need a deposit to hold your place in the course...oh that’s not too much…Wait, that’s pounds…and how much in dollars?! How do I get the SIM card out of my phone? The layover in Reykjavik is so short, what if I’m stuck in Iceland FOREVER (OK, exaggerating a bit there).

Those are just a few of the thoughts that have been running laps in my head since mid-February. I had 5 (now 4) short months to figure out all the details. So where do you start? As Fraulein Maria would say, let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start (Look at that, a Sound of Music reference and it’s only my second post).       

•   If you’re going abroad to study, make sure you offer is unconditional or, if conditional, get in all necessary paperwork immediately. You cannot move forward and register for classes, sign up for housing or pretty much anything else without an unconditional offer. Usually for international students, this means sending in a deposit to secure your place. The quicker you do this, the faster things will move along.

•            If you’re moving for work, make sure your new employer is handling the paperwork and has no intention of dumping you at the last second. I’ve heard of job offers being given, plans were made to move and as soon as the company heard they needed to be sponsored for a work visa, they pulled out. Make sure you get things in writing. Signed writing.

•           Start the visa process early…but not too early. Depending on your country of origin and where you are going, you can only start your visa paperwork so early. For me, its 3 months from the time you leave. So I can read up on the process right now, but will have to wait until I can officially file the paper work in June. New employers will typically take care of this for you, but now always.

•       On that note, make sure you know when you can enter the country. A friend wanted to travel before she started school but the visa was only good for entry one month before the course started. Guess when she left? 32 days before the course. The border staff is NOT lenient on those dates, they will turn you away. Know your details inside and out.

•            Learn to live the ‘lite’ life. There’s no way you will be able to take that trophy from 5 years ago with you to display in your new place. Or the giant stuffed Goofy from your grandmother. Space is limited in the UK. Take a serious inventory of what you have, what you can sell and what needs to go to a charity shop. You’d be surprised at what you can sell and it can really add up for your trip. Also remember that what you take is what you carry. If your new flat has 3 sets of stairs, you’ll have to carry those 3 suitcases up those stairs…and down them again at the end of the year, along with anything else you’ve accumulated over the past year. Electronics are a hassle to convert, save room and buy that hairdryer when you settle in (however most laptops, tablets, and electronic readers are duel voltage). Look forward to running out of shampoo and making your first run to the shops. Like it or not, shopping for something like toothpaste will be one of your first adventures.

•            Network. This is a distinctly American trait and we know how to do it well. The more connections you have, the easier things will be. Get in contact with new classmates, send an email out to your new professors, and ask around for employment leads. Those connections could lead you to the perfect flat or the best new job later on. By the time you get there you’ll have at least an idea of what’s going on and what steps to take next.

Once you have a solid foundation, all the little things will fall into place. But always be prepared for the unexpected and be able to see the positives. I may indeed miss my connecting flight, but that just means I’ll have time to have a glass of Brennivín and say hello to the lovely people of Iceland.

tea drops, 

Samantha

PS-Next week I’ll dive into the more emotional aspects of moving, the support you may (or may not) get and how to know what is right for YOU.

Ever had an idea so powerful that it changes you, and you're never the same for it?  
I did. 

It was 2010, I was still working my dead end job, serving crabby freshman in the dining center of my university. I had graduated two years earlier and I didn't have a clue in hell as to where I was headed in life, a position most 20 somethings find themselves in nowadays. The quarter life crisis was indeed alive and well.  I noticed a trend with a lot of my fellow classmates though. The had at least somewhat of an idea as to what they wanted to do and were active working to make that happen. Grad school, internships, work. There was a path in front of them, no matter how small and they were all on it. My path was no where in sight and covered in the instant mashed potatoes from the previously served meal. 

So as any slightly anti social, stuck 24 year old would do, I tried to find comfort in my dreams. My sole dream was England. Always dreaming of England. Blame Mr. Bean. He was the start of my British passion. Are You Being Served? and others followed. The quick wit. The dry sarcasm. The general un-PC ness of it all was a dream. Things weren't watered down for the masses. I loved it. I would dream of living over there, taking walks in Hyde Park and marrying Prince William (this was pre wedding of the century to Kate).  So what was holding me back? I was. The people around me were. My parents would tell me I didn't have the money to go, that I needed to stay home and get a good job and then MAYBE I could visit in a few years. And you know what, I believed them. I believed that I didn't have the resources to go over there. So I put it off, gave a year of my time to AmeriCorps, moved back to my hometown (which I promised myself I'd never do) struggled to find a job, my English dream always in my mind. I convinced myself I couldn't leave when my parents divorced after 30 years of marriage, because my mother needed me there. At the time, I couldn't see it, but things that were no longer serving me were falling away so I could build the life I had always dreamed of. My looming, nay saying parents were less nay saying, having to deal with their own issues. I wasn't married, I didn't have children to worry about. So what was I STILL doing in Minnesota in 2013? 

I went through almost 4 years of a stagnant life before the wheels started to turn and everything started to click. I wanted to go. I HAD to go, I was running out of years in my twenties. But I had spent more time on the UK Border Agency website than any one person should admit to. Visiting the country was easy, staying there was the ridiculously difficult part. I knew the easiest way to find myself on UK soil was through graduate school. But how was I supposed to get in? I had very average grades in college and knew I would have to get in on the strength of my admissions essay and references alone. I looked at universities all over Britain, sought advice from those who had already done what I wanted to do (including many inspiring words from my biggest inspiration, author Jerramy Fine) before I settled on Oxford Brookes University in Oxford, England. As an annoyingly aspiring writer, their publishing program was second to none, the town was the perfect mix of culture and academics (Oxford University was just up the road and Brookes students can attend the world famous Oxford Union and have use of its famous Bodleian Library, where many scenes from Harry Potter were filmed) and it was just a stone's throw from London. It was all perfect really. But I had to get IN. I nabbed my references, filled out the application, and set to work on my essay, I had half a dozen people read it and re read it until I was sure it was perfect. Then I sent it all in and made my dear friend Sarah change my password and not tell me so I wouldn't be obsessively checking every hour. A week later I was notified that I had an interview in 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks went by in a flash. The day came and I was nervously pacing. 9am came….and went. 9:15…9:30. I was convinced the program leader has looked at my application again and just decided to throw it out. I double checked the UK time. I had forgotten that while the US had had its Daylight Savings, the UK hadn't yet and as such was only 5 hours behind instead of the usual 6. I was ahead of schedule by and hour and stupendously relieved. 

As you might imagine, I did indeed get in. My MA in Book History and Publishing Culture starts on 22nd of September. From now until then its a whirlwind of paperwork, selling just about everything I own, and getting ready to set off into the great unknown. Right off into the middle of my dreams that would've never happened had I listen to reason. Really. Sometimes you have to breath and jump. The universe will catch you if you let it. 

So come along with me, we will drive right through the bumps of moving overseas, sail through international university life and feel every emotion as I say goodbye to the old and hello to all the new. 

tea drops, 

Samantha